So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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