who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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