she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
