420 ftw
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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