I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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