Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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