During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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