i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
