Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
