I could have mohawked her pubes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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