I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
