It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
