he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
