I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
