I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
