Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
