You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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