does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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