with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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