I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
