I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
