So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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