Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
