I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My vagina is very pro this idea
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