they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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