Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
