Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
