I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
