Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
