Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
