i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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