Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
