one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
