I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
