bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
