FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
