I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
