so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
