IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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