I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
