I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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