I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
