Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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