i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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