Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need water and some morals
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
