My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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