Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
