I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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