Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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