Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
