I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
