Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
